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Stuck for Christmas Gift Ideas? Give the Emergency Bra!

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I am convinced this is the bra that Bear Grylls would wear if he was a woman. Yes, this is a real thing. After treating children affected by the Chernobyl disaster, Dr. Elena Bodnar was inspired to invent the Emergency Bra– the only bra that can turn into two face masks! Ladies, in case you find yourself in a situation where you may breathe in dangerous fumes, if you’re wearing the emergency bra- it can decrease your chances of inhaling those pesky and poisonous particles! 

How does this work? Well, hopefully you’re not too shocked by the situation you’re in, because if you are- it may make the process a little difficult. As all hell is breaking loose, you need to hope to God that you wore the Emergency Bra this morning.

You have the bra on? Great! Ok- now you have to take the bra off. Dr. Bodnar made the bra with convertible bra straps so that you can be able to take the bra off underneath your shirt and maintain your modesty. Let’s be honest though. Taking a bra off is hard enough. God forbid you find yourself in a terrorist attack and there’s a great chance that you could inhale some really nasty fumes, your best bet is to throw modesty out the window and just take the bra off like you would in the privacy of your own bedroom. It’s quicker that way and in the long run- would you rather have life long respiratory problems since you took too long take off your Emergency Bra because you didn’t want anyone seeing your ta-tas? I’m pretty sure other people around you are too concerned with saving their own lives that they’ll barely notice you’re taking your top off.

Congratulations, one way or another, you got the bra off. Now you need to unhook the center of the bra so that you have two cup masks in your hands. Take one cup and use it to cover your face and fasten the bra straps to your head so that the mask will be secure. If you have a buddy with you, give him or her your other cup so that you both can breathe a little easier! …alright that was a bad joke.

If you need to look at an demonstration, here you go. You will see the inventor, Dr. Bodner, instruct how to use the Emergency Bra.

There are a couple of drawbacks to this though.

1. Cup Size. They only have B and C cup sizes. I couldn’t wear this bra even if I tried because I’m a D cup. I guess I’m screwed if disaster strikes.

2. Placement and Design. Dr. Bodner stated in her demonstration that when you have the face mask on you must pinch the fabric above your nose in order to decrease your chances of inhaling dangerous fumes. Along with that step- I feel that if you’re in a real emergency, shock or fear is going to set in and you’re going to be way too nervous to properly disassemble your bra so you can use it to protect your face.

3. It’s only available in red. I’m just hoping that in case disaster did strike, that you were able to wear a dark shirt that day. Red is pretty, but white or black would have been more practical. 

But hey- if she’s a B cup or a C cup, it’s the thought that counts!

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Author: Alex

Hello! My name is Alex but you can call me Alexandra if you're feeling fancy. Here you'll find my adventures about exploring my new city of Hoboken, NJ, scurrying over the Hudson River to NYC, my bicycle excursions, and how I'm learning to embrace in medias res.

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