Alex in Transit(ion)

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New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

John Steinbeck, writing a letter to his son about love


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Hey. My name is Jo Calderone. And I was an asshole. Gaga? Yeah her – Lady Gaga. She left me. She said it always starts out good. And then the guys- being me- I’m one of the guys, they get crazy. I did I got crazy. But she’s fuckin’ crazy too right? I mean she is FUCKING CRAZY. For example- she gets out of the bed, puts on the heels, she goes into the bathroom, I hear the water go on, she comes out of the bathroom dripping wet and she still got the heels on. And what’s with the hair? At first it was sexy but now I’m just confused. She said I’m just like the last one. I’M NOT LIKE THE LAST ONE. And I think its great yah know, I think its really fuckin’ great that she’s such a star. A big beautiful star in the sky. But how am I supposed to shine? I mean I think I’d be okay with it you know if found out that she was really …. And maybe she is, I’m starting to think that’s just who she is, maybe that’s just who she is. Cause when she gets on that stage she holds nothing back. That spotlight. That big, round, deep, spotlight follows her wherever she goes. Sometimes I think it follows her home- I know it does…. I gotta get in there. When she cums, it’s like she covers her face cause she doesn’t want me to see that she can’t stand to have one honest moment when nobody’s watching. I want her to be real. But she says “Jo, I’m not real. I’m theatre. And you and I- this is just the rehearsal.

– Lady Gaga as Jo Calderone

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Lady Gaga

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I do enjoy FUCK! I’m in my Twenties but sometimes…I hate reading it.

Of course, any relationship you have needs some common ground (for example, I get all sorts of excited when I meet another cyclist) but I truthfully believe that the most rewarding relationships in my life (and I use the word “relationship” to mean family, friends, lovers) are the ones that expanded my view of the world and that allowed me to expand their world in return. Believe it or not, I don’t have many friends who are like me (loud, easily excited about everything and anything…if you know me, you know the drill)…in fact, most of my friends are self-described introverts. It’s actually really hard for me to hang out with another extrovert because I feel that there isn’t any balance, it’s just two people hanging to one extreme.

Take my friend M. and I. We are completely different people. By comparison, people would probably say that we shouldn’t be friends. We have different political views, different tastes in music, different religious views, our personalities are drastically different, and want different things out of our lives. Yet, we love each other and have been best friends since the 9th grade. Somehow, with all of our differences- we click. There’s been so many times in which I have found out that someone values something that I never valued before and boom- my world is opened to new possibilities and a new way of looking at things.

In conclusion: It’s not going to work if we find the same things to be incredible. Some things, yes, but not all the same things. Otherwise, I feel that there’s not much to discover.

edit: another tumblr posted a response to this…

I’m contemplating putting a single’s ad in the Aspen Times, with this attached. DO YOU FIND MANCHEGO INCREDIBLE? no? get out!

Point proven. I don’t even know what Manchego is, but I’m intrigued to find out why it’s so incredible!


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resilience.

These past couple of weeks, I have learned something:

There are a lot of people in this world.

Many of them who are interesting.

Some of them will share common interests with you.

But very few will care about you,

and you will only care for very few.

When I came to this thought, I immediately asked my friend if that was a cynical way of thinking. She said “No, that’s realistic. It would take a lot of energy to care for more than just a few in that way.”

These past couple of weeks have been very hard, emotionally, for me. That is probably the bravest statement I have ever written for others to see. Yes, even I, the girl who everyone calls “sunshine,” the girl who is always happy and cheerful, and the girl who radiates energy and optimism…can be mopey and sad. A few months ago, one of my favorite bloggers posted about the highs and the lows that she and her husband went through and I appreciated her honesty. It was so refreshing. I figured that maybe, I should be honest myself. So here goes.

I absolutely believe this is the hardest breakup I’ve ever gone through- and to tell you the truth: it should be. It was my first adult relationship. He was my best friend. No matter what I was doing, if I had an election to win and I needed the support to go on or wanted someone to watch the ducks with: he was it. As time passed by, I found myself in situations that I never saw myself in and realized that I am capable of supporting someone during some trying times. I also realized that there were some things I should have never accepted, but did so anyway. At the time, I couldn’t imagine losing him, so I dealt with it and hoped that we would be able to work it out. 

Then I found out something that I couldn’t accept. It really was almost like a scene out of a dark comedy…which on one hand is great because I can laugh about it. I’m dog sitting for his family and I stumble upon something that makes me extremely upset. It made me upset enough to do the unthinkable- to cut out someone who has been part of the fabric of my life for the last two years.

I can’t tell you how hard that was. It broke my heart but it was the right thing to do. I deserved better. 

It was a weird experience because I found this out not even two hours into dog sitting. I looked at the dog and realized that I was in for the most awkward 24 hours of my life. As upset as I was with him, I couldn’t just leave the dog. I had a duty to do and I wasn’t going to leave his family in a pinch. I took care of the dog, watched the house, wrote a letter for him saying that we were over and left it on his desk for him to find when he got back home, and left when I was scheduled to. 

If I needed any example of how resilient I am- I think I found it. 

These last couple of weeks, I have been slowly rebuilding my life. After this happened, I also received a wonderful professional opportunity, ran Warrior Dash and completed it within a hour, hung out with my friends, made some new friends, and even have been on a couple of dates…though I have realized I still have a ways to go until I’m ready to be back in the dating scene. I’m still on track to taking the GREs and I’m focused on getting into a fabulous graduate school. Things are progressing and I am so blessed to say that they are. I have found out how strong I really am…even though I still can’t do a chin up. 

What I have learned is that although it feels like I was run over by a Mack truck, there is no choice to but to live life. This beautiful gift we’re given is so short and you never know when it will be taken from you. Yes- disappointments will come. Yes- you can be sad over them. And yes- you will get through them. It is hard but what I’ve found that has helped me is that you have to put yourself out there. If you don’t- you’re going to be missing out. Last Friday, my friend J. and I went to a wine store and I met a fabulous new friend that I had an awesome time going out with last night. If I had just stayed in my room because I was sad- last night wouldn’t have happened. Now I have someone to do yoga and take trips to the co-op with and that is the cat’s pajamas to me! 

My best advice is, when you’re going through a break up, take this time to rediscover the beautiful person you are. For example, I haven’t seen Trainspotting in FOREVER and I was so excited to watch it on Netflix, even if it was only by myself…oh Ewan McGregor, even when he’s playing a heroin addict, he’s still the sexiest man alive. It is cliche but it is true: you can’t love someone else until you can love yourself. Grieve as much as you can and when it feels right: shine your light. 

To the future, we go. 

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…whenever that day comes where I meet the next partner in crime…he’s totally getting this.

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Long distance relationships are, no pun intended, a labor of love. Emotionally- it’s one of the biggest tests that you could go through with another person. Will the two of you still remain to be head over heels over each other? Will one of you or the both of you get frustrated by the whole arrangement? Will you two come out stronger or will you two decide that it’s just not worth it anymore? Last weekend, a friend of mine and I were discussing if they could ever work. We came to this conclusion: they will work if the two people are dedicated to making it work. 

I think this video is the most romantic thing I have ever seen. Here is the story behind it: 

After my girlfriend moved away for graduate school, I wanted to create something different to express my feelings for her. I secretly created a song and video with my friends the Daylights in hopes that it would be passed around and get to her organically. WITH YOUR HELP, we can meet this goal and it can stand as a symbol of what we can do as an digital social community. This is dedicated to anyone who is separated from people they love.

I will let you know if it works on my Twitter @WalterCMay

I was elated to find out that it actually did work: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/blog-post/2010/12/_a_social_media_love_story.html

It made me think of what I did last weekend. Currently, I fancy a boy and he wasn’t exactly having the best week. Some extenuating circumstances came into play and an inconvenient situation turned a little bit more inconvenient. However, even with everything that was going on, I just couldn’t bear being away from him any longer. I wanted to see him smile even if it took doing something absolutely crazy. I texted the friend I mentioned previously in the post and I asked if it was possible if I could crash at his place because I wanted to surprise boy-I-fancy so I could cheer him up. Friend said yes and I’m so thankful that he did because it was one of the best weekends I ever had with boy-I-fancy. 

Are long distance relationships a little more work and a teeny bit emotionally draining? Yeah they are.

But there’s nothing like going out of your way to show you care and seeing that, through everything, they care too.